I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
