I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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