Will you blow on my dice?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
