it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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