I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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