im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
