I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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