I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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