toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The air taste purple.
Randomize
