just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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