thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
