Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
