T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
