So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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