hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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