I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
