she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
