the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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