I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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