i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
