I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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