what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
