3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
