Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
