My room smells like vodka and shame
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
