Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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