areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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