i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
