Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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