At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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