The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
