Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
