I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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