My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
barbara walters just said penis...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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