just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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