Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
