mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
