my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
