What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
