Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
