meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
