Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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