He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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