Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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