yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
