On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
