Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
