the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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