my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
