Got a toothbrush?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
