Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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