Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
