Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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