i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
