Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
how drunk are you?
Several
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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