i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
